My Angel
by Distorted Views
Summary: I was hunting when i heard the crash. I ran to the wreck and heard a shrill cry. Their in the back seat was a baby girl. The mother was dead on impact and i was responsible for this child.
1. Chapter 1

EPOV

I let my mind go as I ran. My surroundings faded as I caught the scent of my prey. I launched my self in its direction, avoiding the trees that were blurring past me. I slammed into the deer, and tore at its throat. Its eyes widened in surprise as its blood flowed into my mouth. Slowly its life left it, and its heart stopped beating. The burning in my throat lessened the more I swallowed.

I finished the deer's blood and buried the carcass where I stood. I started walking home. I didn't run. I had no desire to be there. I mean I loved my "family" but I hated the pity glances they gave me. I hated their worried thoughts. I wasn't missing anything. Why didn't they get it? I was glad they found love but that love was not for me.

And Esme. I loved her dearly. She was just so worried.

A crash sounded in the air. I ran to see what was up. A shrill constant cry hung in the air. I got to the wreck and held my breath. There was a car crashed into a tree. A bleeding girl was crushed in the wreck. There was no way she could have survived.

Still their was that crying. I looked into the back and saw a baby. It was a girl. She had no mark on her skin, no sing of being in an accident. Her tiny brown eyes looked up at me and she stopped crying.

Carefully I grabbed her and held her to my chest. She started giggling and grabbed a strand of my hair. I laughed and that made her laugh even more. My heart swelled and a peace filled my being as I looked at her smiling face. She yawned again and grabbed my shirt. Her eyes slowly shut and her breathing evened out.

I began to look for any sign of who the father was. The mother looked like a teenager so I didn't think the father would be much of a help.

I ran to where there were more houses. Who could I give her to that would take her in and treat her like a daughter.

Chief Swan. He was a good man. I took of my shirt and wrapped it around her. I put her on Swan's porch and wrote a note. I rang the doorbell and ran somewhere I could watch.

He came to the door. After looking around and seeing no one, he looked down. His eyes widened in surprise and he gently picked her up. He looked at the note and read it aloud.

"Dear Sir, I didn't know what to do. I can't take care of this child. Please, I beg you to take her as a daughter."

He sighed and shut the door. I watched him from the windows. He took her and laid her on the bed in the guest room. He took the shirt off of the girl, and the baby started to cry. She held her arms out and screamed.

'What do I do' Charlie thought as he looked at the child. He reached his arm that held my shirt to pick her up. She grabbed the shirt and the tears stopped. She smiled and closed her eyes breathing in the scent.

'How cute' Charlie thought as he looked at the little girl. 'I need to call my lawyer. She will be my daughter.'

I watched as he walked down his stairs and grabbed the phone.

I sighed and climbed through the window. She turned and looked at me with her chocolate brown eyes. She started to make noises as she held her hand out. I gave her my finger and she grasped onto it. She made no more noise. She just looked at me.

I heard Charlie downstairs talking about the legal issues. The note legally gave up any of the parent's right and since no one knew where the father was, Charlie would be able to adopt her right away. A social worker would have to come and see if Charlie would be able to take her in. Then Charlie would have to take the bay to the local judge. He would sign the adoption papers and Charlie would have to fill out forms and the child would get its name, social security number, and birth certificate. Since this was a special case the entire process would only take about a month. The lawyer would set up the appointments and keep Charlie posted.

Charlie hung up and started to walk up the stairs. I leaned down and kissed the girl on the forehead. "Take care, precious." I said in her ear. I had to use my other hand to force her to let go of my finger. Tears filled her eyes and dripped down her face even though she made no noise.

I jumped out of the window and ran towards my home. When I got there, Carlisle called to me before I even got to the door. "Edward. We need to talk."

I ran to the office and opened the door.

"Did you have a nice hunt?" He asked.

"Yea, it was good. No mountain lions though." He smiled at my comment.

"Did you need something?" I asked.

"Yes. It's time." my heart dropped at what he said. It was odd because I never really cared before. "So soon?"

"I'm afraid so. They are getting suspicious at the hospital."He studied my face. 'What's wrong?' He thought.

"When?"

"Tomorrow"

"I need to go think."

I got up and ran. I ignored the questions and the worried looks and thoughts my family kept throwing at me.

I ended up in the meadow I always went too to think. I didn't want to leave. I'

ve never felt this way before. I was usually uncaring of where or when we left. I closed my eyes and just let go. I let go of everything. Every thought, and feeling was pushed away.

When I opened my eyes to see the sun was raising. I ran to my home. Alice was at the door. When she saw me she slowly walked to me. She hugged me and I hugged her back. We both knew what I was doing.

"What do you see?" I asked.

"Nothing. If you go through with this, I can't be sure of what will happen. I want to know why though?"

"I want to know why also, Alice. I can't tell you why. I just know I need to stay."

"Good luck. You know I love you?"

I smiled. "Yes, Alice. I know and I love you to."

I entered the house and walked to the dining room. Everyone was sitting around the table we never used.

"Edward. Alice said you had something you wanted to tell us?" Carlisle asked looking at me.

"I'm not going with you. I'm staying here in Forks." I looked around to gauge their reactions. The y were shocked. Esme looked beyond hurt. My heart broke. Their thoughts were racing inside my head.

"But" Esme said. "But why? Have we done something wrong?" she stood up and walked to me. She wrapped her arms around me.

"Never, Esme."

"We love you so much. Why are you dong this?"

"If I knew I would tell you." I sighed." I was planning just on staying here. I'm not going to be seen by anyone.

They all stood up. Carlisle looked at me with such worry in his eyes. 'You were my first son. I had you fro company before I had Esme. You can always come find us. We have our cells. Call if you need anything.' "And call just to talk. Were going to miss you." He said aloud. Everyone agreed with him.

"I'll miss you all. I don't think this is a permanent separation." I said. I hugged them all and said my good-byes. I watched a s their cars drove away to a new place.

I ran to see her again. An odd anxiousness filled me and wouldn't leave me alone until I was at her window watching her. Until I would I know for sure she was safe.


	2. Chapter 2

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Hey guys. i don't know if i should continue with this story. if you want me to i will but i don't think its that great. if i do continue updates will be slow cause i have a bunch of essays to write before school starts. Excuse grammer and typos. not that great at that stuff but i do try.

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I was with her every night. When the month was over, she was officially Charlie Swan's daughter. He named her Isabella Marie Swan. Every night Charlie would put her to bed. Every night she would sit up and watch the window. I would come in and every time she would giggle as she watched me, holding her arms open, waiting for me to pick her up. I would hum her a lullaby I wrote just for her. She would fall asleep in my arms, and I would wrap her in a purple blanket and hold her. The blanket would prevent any of my skin from touching her. I didn't want her to get cold.

This went on for a year. I would hold her at night and watch her during the day. I watched at two years old her first step. I was there cheering her on with Charlie.

I was holding her when she said her first words. I was humming her lullaby when she grabbed my finger and said "my". My heart melted. She giggled at my face and slowly fell asleep. I placed her in her bed, kissed her forehead and said" My Bella". She smiled in her sleep and whispered "my" in her small voice.

At age three she didn't want to be held in my arms anymore. Instead I would sit on the bed and she would crawl onto my lap. I would still hum her lullaby.

I was surprised she never told Charlie about me. She just seemed to know to not mention me in front of Charlie.

Charlie started to take her to church when se was four. One Sunday night when Bella was on my lap she grabbed my hand. She looked up at my face and smiled. "My angel." she whispered. I was shocked.

"What, Bella?" she just looked at me and smiled.

"In Sunday school we learned about angels. God sends them to protect his children. You're my angel."

"I'm no angel Bella." I sighed. This was wrong. "Bella?"

"Yes?" she answered.

"I'm going to stop coming at night." I looked at bella and sw tears were streaming down her face. I wiped away the tears with my thumb.

"I'm not going to leave you. I'll protect yo. Always. Whenever your lonely and hurt and you are crying, I'll be there. You may not see me, but I am there. Just talk. I will always listen."

She wrapped her arms around me."Why are you not going to come anymore? Do you not like me/'

"Ah, never say that, Bella. You are amazing. Never let anyone tell you other wise. You're getting older and you won't need me anymore."

"No!" she yelled. "No! I always will need you."

"I'll always be there. When you need me bella, call my name. I'll be there. You wont see me but always know I'm there."

"What's your name?"

"Just say angel, and I will hear you.".

She smiled. "I'll miss you, my angel.

"I'll be there." I said with finality. I hummed her to sleep. When she finally fell asleep, I carefully lifted her up. I put her head onto the bed and I tucked her in

"My angel." She whispered.

"I'm not going to leave." I said. I watched her sleep till the sun was up. Charlie was waking up and getting ready. He took bella, on his work days, to the day care center.

Charlie started walking up the stairs. I took the shirt I wrapped bella in the first time ai saw her, and wrapped it around her. The steps were coming closer and I jumped out of the window. I watched Charlie wake Bella up.

She got dressed and Charlie and her drove to the daycare center. I stayed hidden as I watched her get out of the car and run to where her friends were playing.

They played for hours. Mike started to pick on Bella. I watched from the shadows as he called her names. It took all my power not just to jump out and tear mike apart. Mike pushed Bella down and ran away laughing. The smell of tears drifted past my noes. Bella ran away and sat under the tree and cried.

"My angel." she whispered as she sobbed.

I got as close as possible to her.

"Where are you, my angel?"

My heart broke as she cried. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and protect her from all of the evil Mikes in the world but I couldn't

"I'm here." I said in a quiet voice. I knew she heard me because she started looking around

"Where are you?" she whispered.

"I am with you always."

"Why is Mike so mean to me. I just wanted to play with him. He didn't have to call me names or push me." She said as the tears fell from her eyes.

"I know. I know. Sometimes people hurt other people for no reasons. When that happens, when you're the one that's hurt, you just need to know everything he said was a lie. You didn't deserve to be pushed." I said quietly. My voice was being carried by the wind making my whereabouts unkown.

"Bella!" The daycare lady called. "It's time to come in and eat your snack." Bella stood up and dried her tears.

"Coming Mrs. Judy!" She yelled. She started running to the house and then paused. She looked around and whispered "thank you my angel."

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	3. Chapter 3

Well, here is my update. Sorry about how slow it took. i had trouble writing it and i still hate it. well anyways review. sorry about any grammar and spelling. i read over it but i wrote it so i miss a lot of things.oh by the way did any one go to warped tour in fresno a few days ago? Holy crap it was amazing. anyways ya. -Zach

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Even though I told Bella I would stop coming at night, I never did. Every night I would wait until I knew she was asleep and then I would crawl through the window. I would kneel at her bed and hum her the lullaby I wrote. Every time she would smile and mumble "My angel."

Charlie would wake up at five every morni9ng. He would sneak into her room and kiss his daughter while she slept. "I love you, Isabella." He would say as he moved the hair from her face. It gave me peace knowing Charlie was her father. His thoughts spoke only of his love for her.

'She is growing more and more into a beautiful woman' Charlie thought. 'You're turning five soon my little girl. Soon you will be bringing home boys. Let me tell you, I will try my best to scare them off. Only the best can have you. I love you Isabella. I love you more than life itself.'

I smiled to myself. I could see Bella in a few years bringing home her boyfriend. Charlie would be cleaning his shotgun as he and the boy talked. The thought made me laugh.

While Charlie was with Bella, I ran to the forest and called my sister, Alice. She answered before the first ring was done.

"Edward!" She screamed into the phone. I smiled. "Hey Alice. How are things with the family?" I asked.

"Pretty much the same. Carlisle is a doctor in the hospital, Esme designed a gorgeous house, Emmett and Jasper are still gamboling impulsively, and me and rose have been shopping like crazy. Oh my gosh! Today I saw the most amazing yellow Porsche . . ." and she rambled for some time about the car. I just smiled and let her talk. I missed her. It was odd being alone after so many years with my family.

Suddenly, Alice lowered her voice. "Esme worried about you." I sighed. She continued." She doesn't sow it much. She laughs, smiles, and plays with the family, but when she thinks she is alone she will sigh and zone out. She will spend hours sitting on the piano bench. Jasper says her anxiety is beyond words. You are her first son. She worries now more than ever about your loneliness."

"Alice, I love Esme. I really do. Do you think this whole thing is a mistake?"

"No, I really believe there is a reason you are doing this and I believe this is something you have to do.

"Have you seen anything? Have you seen why I feel like I need to be here?"

"No."

"Alice, I can't read her mind. Every time I'm near her I hear nothing."

Alice was silent."Wow! Well anyways, Esme wants to talk to you.

The other line was silent and I heard the phone being passed to another person.

"Hello?" Esme asked into the phone.

"Hey mom. How are you?"

I listened as she talked about the home she designed, as she went into great detail in describing the room. Then she switched into worry mode.

"Are you okay? Have you been hunting enough? What have you been doing?"

No one besides Alice knew about Bella, so I told her everything that didn't involve the girl. That wasn't much. She knew I was hiding something but she didn't push me.

"Alright, Edward. I love you and I miss you. When whatever is going on is finished will you live with us agin?"

"Of course mom. I love you." I said as I hung up the phone. Bella's birthday was coming up. I ran to a toy store and looked for something for bella. I found a little angel bear. He had little wings and a halo. I bought the bear and as just looking around when a golden locket caught my eye.

Its chain was golden and when the locket opened it had room for a picture. I bought the locket. I took a piece of paper and wrote a small letter. I knew she couldn't read it but one day I knew she would be able to.

"Dear Bella. I'm still here. When you need to talk to me, just say my name and I will listen. Love your angel."

I put the note in the locket and went back to the forest behind Bella's house. It was light out and probably only around four. I looked in the backyard and smiled. Bella was chasing Charlie around the yard. She was laughing and so was Charlie.

I watched them play for ab out an hour. When Charlie was done, he scooped Bella in her arm and put her on his shoulders. She giggled and started yelling for him to put her down. He laughed and kept her where she was.

He carried her inside and set her on the couch.

"I brought a movie for us to watch."

Bella's eyes lit up and she started to bounce. "Oh! Oh! What movie?" She asked still jumping.

He pulled out the little mermaid. She was excited and grabbed the movie. She ran to put it in the VHS.

"I'm going to make us some popcorn. Just start the movie and fast forward the commercials."

He got off the couch and walked into the kitchen. I watched Bella put in the movie and watched the commercials. A commercial for Disney land came on. It showed a family running off to ride the rides, The daughter was with her mom and the son was with the dad.

A tear gently dropped from Bella's eye. Charlie came in with a big bowl of popcorn. He stopped instantly when he saw Bella's tear.

"Honey, what's wrong?" He asked as he picked her up and moved to the couch. He sat down and pulled Bella onto his lap.

"Do I have a mommy?" she asked, her big brown eyes starring at Charlie.

He inhaled sharply. He felt like the air was pushed out of his lungs.

"Bella. There is something I need to tell you, but I wanted to wait until you were older." He said as is mind spun in his head searching for words.

"The thing is we don't' know who your real mom and dad are. When you were born, they couldn't take care of you so they put you at my door."

Bella looked at him confused. "But aren't you my daddy?"

"Yes. I am your dad but your– I don't really know how to tell you this." He sighed. "You had a mom and a different dad. They loved you but they knew you would need someone else. They put you at my door hoping I would take you in."

Isabella was dead silent trying to comprehend what Charlie was saying. "So you're not really my dad?" She asked, tears were falling from her face.

"No, No, No! Sweetie, that's not what I am saying. I love you with all my heart. You are my daughter. Nothing in the world will ever change that. I am your dad. I just wasn't there when you were born." Charlie said.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you dad." She said quietly.

Charlie got up and ejected the movie. "Maybe we should watch this tomorrow. Do you want some dinner?"

"No, I think I'll just go to bed."

"Alright honey."

Bella walked to her room and shut the door. She curled into a ball and started to sob. My heart broke. It took everything I had not to reach out to her."

"Angel." She said through her cries.

"I'm here." I whispered. She heard but not real well. She cried for hours. Finally she fell asleep.

I picked her up and gently tucked her in bed. She inhaled deeply.

"You are here." She mumbled quietly.

I smiled and touched her forehead. "Always." I whispered in her ear.

She smiled.

"I know" she whispered in her sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey everyone. thanks so much for the reviews last chapter. i ask that you review this chapter. thanks a lot.

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The days passed. Ever since Bella learned of her adoption she was different. When she was alone she would cry. She began to withdraw slightly. She would play with her dad and she would say she loved him but something in her was broken. I could tell she loved Charlie. That never changed. Her eyes were what changed. There was a hurt I them that she held onto.

Charlie would try to talk to Bella, but every time the subject of her parents came up she would put up walls. Her eyes would gain a steely look that didn't belong on her face and she would avoid the subject.

Charlie was oblivious to the change. He thought her staying away form the subject meant she was over it. Oh how he was wrong.

Bella's birthday came. The night before her birthday I put the bear wearing the locket into Bella's arms. I hummed her my lullaby as tried to figure out what was going on with me.

This little girl captured my heart. All I wanted was for to be safe and happy. Every time I would try to leave all I could think about was Bella's safety.

The morning came and I jumped out the window. Bella's heart rate changed telling me she was a wake. I watched as she turned and pulled the bear closer. She opened her eyes and saw the bear. Her smile shone lighting her face like morning shone. She actually squealed with excitement.

She took the locket off of the bear and opened it up. She looked at the words for a long time trying to figure out what it said. She finally shut the locket and put it on her neck. She pulled the bear close and smiled."My angel." She said as she put the bear on her pillow.

She got out of bed and ran downstairs. Charlie was at the oven trying to make pancakes. There was a pile of black attempts sitting in the trash.

"Can I help, Dad?" She asked him.

He smiled. "Sure sweetie."

They worked on the pancakes for a good while they even got in a flour war while making the batter. For a moment her eyes were back to normal. There was no pain, no cold look. They were filled with pure joy. For a moment I thought she was back to normal.

"Hey sweetie! I'm going to the bathroom." He said wiping flour off of his hands using his shirt. "Do you think you can start you won Bath?

She nodded. He marveled at how mature she was.

Bella ran to the bathroom. I heard her start the water. Her foot steps ran to her room, paused and ran back to the bathroom.

She started to talk which surprised me. She didn't usually talk to her self.

"Hey there. I guess it is just you and me, Berry." I smiled when I realized she was talking to my present. "Do you have a mommy or daddy?" She asked her bear, her voice cracking at the end. "I don't. They didn't want me." I could hear the soft sound of her tears. "I don't know what I did wrong. I'm not good enough." She cried.

I didn't know what to do. She was hurt beyond words and I couldn't do anything. I sat listening to her cry with a broken heart. If only she new. If only she new her mother died, that her mother wanted her. But I couldn't tell her. As of now I can only protect her. I will give no evidence of my existence to her.

She got out of the bead and got dressed. Her dad took her to dinner and so life continued.

* * *

She started kindergarten and did amazing. She was the first child in the class to master the entire alphabet. The teacher was shocked and didn't know what to do with her.

She would give her first grade learning books and Bella would suck them dry. She loved reading with a burning passion.

Charlie started to take her to the library during the weekend. They would check out seven books at a time and she would read them over and over before they had to be returned. Charlie was positively thrilled with Bella's fascination for books.

She started to want to read harder books. Every time she tried she would end up throwing the book across the room crying angry tears. Charlie saw her on day throwing the book.

He picked up the book.

"The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe? You want to read this?" He asked very surprised.

"Yes, but the words are big." She said embarrassed she couldn't read it.

Charlie laughed. He sat on the bed and pulled Bella onto his lap. Eh read to her as I studied Bella's eyes.

The hint of pain passed as she passed into a world of fantasy. Her eyes gleamed as she saw the story play out in her head.

They read together for hours. Bella sat on Charlie's lap as he read.

Finally Charlie put the book down. "We can finish later. Right now we should get some dinner."

"But dad! I want to hear what happens next!"

"You will. Tomorrow. Let's go out to eat."

They drove off to a diner called angels and ate. The whole time she thought about Aslan, and how he gave his life to save Edmund. She imagined that she was with Aslan in Narnia. I could tell because she kept murmuring random things about the lion and her and of talking animals.

They went home. Bella went to bed. She began to talk in her sleep.

"Aslan" she kept repeating. She was smiling so I knew it was a good dream. She began to frown. I started to worry.

"Don't leave" she pleaded. Over and over she begged him to stay.

Her eyes flashed open. A single teardrop dripped from her face. "I wasn't good enough." She said. "Even Aslan wouldn't want me."

It was then I knew her scars ran deeper than I ever imagined.

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A.N. okay i had someone say my story was creepy and in a way i totally agree. the thing is the way ive always seen Edwards relations ship with bella was like the werewolves imprinting. i mean Edward tried to Ignore bella but ended up watching her sleep (which by itself is creepy). he had an unexplainable attraction to her. this is like that but its not like a sexual attraction, more like a deep need to protect her and yea. hope that makes sense.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey everyone. really don't like this chapter so sorry if it sux. i have two more chapters written so i should be able to update next weekend. yea so if you review i might actually get them out sooner, but no promises. sorry for any grammar and spelling.

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As Bella grew older, she stayed somewhat isolated. She only had one true friend. Her name was Angela and she was the most loyal person anyone could have asked for.

It wasn't that people didn't like Bella, it was just that she trusted no one. Even though now she was seven, she held onto the idea she was not worth anything. She believed it with her whole heart and held onto it as the only truth.

She was an avid reader. That only grew as the days passed. She would rather read a good book than go to the slumber parties. I knew things would get worse. The world and the people in it are cruel. If she kept this up people would take notice.

She was eight now. Her peers began to separate into different groups. The thing that fascinated me was the parents of the kids are oblivious to this creation of the groups. In fact even the kids didn't see how things were changing.

I worried about Bella. From here on out people will change. They will begin to see what is different.

People hate what is different from them. They feel like what isn't for them, Is against them. They feel threatened, therefore thy fight to protects what is known and what is comfortable. This is an absolute fact. Every time it is the same. Different people but the same concept.

* * *

She is nine now. She is probably the most precious being that has ever come into existence. She is beyond selfless. She is still "friends" with Jessica and the others but her and Angela stuck by each other.

Angela held no cruel thoughts or intentions. All of Bella's other peers were selfish. They only cared for themselves while Angela and Bella would look beyond the things the wanted. They would put other first before themselves.

She is ten now. The groups that have begun to from are more defined. The populars are still humane enough to invite Bella to slumber parties. Though their personalities are defining themselves. Jessica is beginning to shw her treacherous nature. She will promise not to tell a secret but she would tell that very secret on the day she said she wouldn't. Lauren is just vile. She goes beyond the normal selfish attitude. She is conceited and proud. The others are still fine but when the pack leaders turn on bella all of these kids will turn with them.

Bella is twelve. She is beginning to notice all of the things she never got to experience with her mom. She sees all the moms taking their kids out to the mall or to dinner and her soul aches.

Being raised by a single man is taking a toll on her. She doesn't dress like all the other girls. She wears what others considered guy clothes. The other girls make fun of her for this.

She prefers not to gossip or date. She wouldn't be involved with this pathetic dating scene. Seriously though, none of these kids actually care. They date to date. It disgusts me. What child at twelve knows anything about love.

The girls are vicious. They find what hurts the most and use it for their sick pleasure.

The used Bella's adoption against her. They would play with Bella's insecurities, breaking her already broken spirit till nothing remained. They would tell her that her mom never wanted her, that no one would ever want her. They said things like she wasn't good enough for her mom, that Charlie doesn't even love her. They would put her in tears. They laughed as she ran away crying.

I wanted so bad to rip their throats out. They disgusted me beyond words.

Bella never talked to Charlie about any of this. She kept everything they said at face value. The words they spoke burned onto Bella's heart.

The one comfort she had was Angela. She was amazing.

She would always stand up for Bella. When Bella cried, Angela was at her side holding her.

Watching Bella cry I realized it was time for me to go home, to my family. I couldn't help her, while watching her suffer tormented me. I would leave. There was nothing else left for me to do. She was in a safe house, with a good father to love her. That was all I could ever give her.

I took one last look at Bella . As the tears fell from her eyes, my heart broke. Slowly I turned and walked. Each step hurt but it was better this way. I was sure of it.

It was then I had heard something I hadn't heard in years. In a small broken voice she whispered for her angel. My feet locked and I couldn't move. My heart was torn.

Hearing her voice made me want to change my mind. I k kept walking thought. I just hoped I was making the right decision.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey, here is the new chapter. forgive any grammar and spelling mistakes you see. anyways hope u like it and review.

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I called Alice the moment I was far enough to not be seen. She answered before the first ring was finished.

"Hello Edward."

"Hey Alice. I'm coming home."

She sighed. " I know. Do you know if this is what you are supposed to do?"

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do Alice. If I stay I'll live in pain knowing I couldn't do anything to help her. I'm just so confused."

"I know. From what I have seen about her life, I understand why it hurts you. But I have this feeling, mind you it's only a feeling, that there more with her in our future. Anyways, it will be great to see you again. I missed you greatly. Without you are family just is not as complete."

"So where are you guys?"

"We are in Denali visiting Tanya and her clan. She's been asking about you. She will be happy you are coming to see her." She said in a joking voice.

"Funny Alice. Hey, do you think my coming home could stay secret? I would love to surprise them."

"Okay. Hurry up though."

"I'll be running."

I started running. It felt amazing. For a while I was free. Free from doubts, free from fears. I was free from myself. I ran to Alaska non-stop. It was absolutely amazing.

I arrived in Denali. I hunted, lowering my thirst and walked slowly to the Denali house. It was night time. The moon was golden, half of it was hidden behind the clouds. The stars lit the sky shedding light in the atmosphere.

For the first time in a while I realized what a monster I was. When I was with Bella, I never recalled my past, but here in the silence my mind would not shut up. I remembered the faces of the men as I killed them. Their last thoughts were of fear and despair. I was no better then them. They were not innocent but that did not change the fact that I murdered them. I was a soulless monster that preyed off of the blood of the living. I was damned. I belonged in hell.

When I finally got to the house I stood outside and listened. I could hear my family in the living room. Jasper and Emmett were gambling n who would win in the video game they were playing, Rosalie and Alice were talking to Tanya and the others about the latest fashions and what not, and Esme and Carlisle were watching them with amusement.

'Welcome, Edward.' Alice thought while still talking.

I slowly walked to the door and opened it. A silence fell over everyone and I hear d their curious thoughts.

"I'm back." I said in a quiet voice and everyone ran to meet me.

A chorus of Edwards rung in the air.

Someone slammed into me and wrapped their arms around me.

"You are Back!" The person said in a small voice.

"Hello Esme." I said, hugging her back. She was happy and for that I was glad.

I greeted everyone getting many hugs. Even Rosalie hugged me, saying she missed me.

We all gathered in the living room. We talked for hours filling me in on what I missed. When they were done an awkward silence hung in the air. I knew they expected me to tell them what was up with me but I couldn't.

Carlisle was the first to break the silence. "So, why did you stay in Forks?"

I froze. I didn't know what to tell them.

"It's personal." I said looking everywhere but at his eyes. All of my family was shocked. All but Alice.

"Since when do we have secrets?!" Rosalie asked.

"I just can't tell you guys. It's complicated." I said.

Silence hung over everyone. Their thoughts were confused. They didn't understand what was going on with me.

Finally Alice stood up. "Well, it is great that you are back Edward." She took one look at my ragged clothes. "Tomorrow we are going shopping!" She said. The more she thought about it the more excited she became.

After that the atmosphere became less tense. Conversations started, Emmett and Jasper went back to their game. My thoughts went back to bella. The only image I could see was of when I left her. All I could see was her sobbing, mumbling for me to come to her.

"Edward!" A voice yelled, breaking me from my thoughts. I looked to the owner of the voice and saw Jasper looking at me with a worried look.

"What Jasper?"

"I've been calling your name for a while. What's wrong? I'm getting some powerful feelings from you."

"Nothing." I said as I stood up.

Alice came running downstairs. "I'll go with you." She said.

"I didn't ask you."

"Has that ever stopped me?"

I laughed. Together we went for a walk.

When we got back Everyone was doing their own thing. No one but Tanya bothered me about what happened in Forks. I never told her though.

For four years I was with my family. I smiled and pretended to be happy. I would conceal my emotions from Jasper and I would smile and join in with the family.

I wasn't happy though. In fact, my life was a living hell. Thoughts of Bella were always my companions. I was worried about her constantly. I loathed myself for abandoning her. I lived in shame of leaving her and in shame of my rebellious years. I was utterly and completely miserable.

Alice was the only one who knew about Bella. Alice was the only one who knew I was miserable and it hurt her. She would spend her time trying to make me happy. I would laugh and smile at her but she always saw through it.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey everyone. here is my new chapter. as always i am sorry about grammar or spelling mistakes. oh i was also wondering if i could get fifteen reviews for this chapter? that would put me at 70 reviews. that would be amazing. anyways hope u like it.

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I sat in my room playing piano. The lullaby I wrote for Bella quickly became my favorite song. I played it but it always felt incomplete to me. It felt like the song wasn't finished and I didn't understand why.

As I sat thinking about this Esme came in and sat by me. "What is wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing is wrong Esme." I said as I started to play a different song.

"Don't give me that, Edward. Something is wrong. For the last four years I've watched you live your life more unhappy than normal.

I looked at her with surprise on my face.

"You thought I didn't notice?" She said with a sad, small smile. "You are my son, Edward. I know and love you. I can tell when you are unhappy and when your are miserable. It pains me, Edward. I want you to be happy, but you won't let yourself. You see yourself as a damned soul, a creature who deserves no happiness–"

"I am damned!" I yelled interrupting her.

"No! You are not. God would not damn someone like you."

It doesn't matter anyways I–"

I stopped when Carlisle came into the house. He was early which was odd.

"Everyone. We need to talk." He said. Everyone gathered at the kitchen table. "First off, I wanted to thank the Denali clan for having us here. It's been great being with all of you."

I looked at all of the clan members and saw them all say it was no problem.

"Next I wanted to say I think it is time to move. I have been thinking we should go back to Forks. I have had Alice watch the future and she says that we should have no problems."

"Why so early?" Rosalie asked.

"We all love Forks. To all of us, Forks has seemed more like a home than anywhere."

"But dear, don't you think sixteen years is a little early?" Esme asked

"There is no reason to wait. Most of the people in Forks' high school when the kids where there, have left the town. No one will know who we are."

"If you are sure, than great. I miss that old house." Esme said giving finality to the decision.

They kept talking but I walked away. It was twilight now. I walked to a rock a good distance away and sat. I would get to see Bella after four years. I didn't know if this was a good thing.

Alice came and sat by me.

"Is this the right thing?" I asked her quietly.

She sighed and put her hand on my shoulder. "You worry too much about right and wrong. What do you want? Sometimes the only way to know if it is right or wrong is to know what you want and why you want it. Sometimes there is no right or wrong answer. You just have to make a decision."

I looked at her. "You know that didn't help at all."

She smiled. "Oh well. Come on. We need to pack and load your Volvo."

We both ran home. We loaded my Volvo and drove all of the way back to Forks.

When we got to the house I moved the clothes I got in Denali to my room. When I got to my room, I saw my piano that had put there when my family was gone.

I sat and began to play Bella's lullaby. I played pouring my soul into the sound. When the song was over, I couldn't' play anymore. The sound of breathing brought my attention way from my piano to the person standing at my door. Jasper stood looking at me.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"Yea." I said standing form my piano bench." What do you want?"

"What's going on with you?" he asked. "Your emotions are going haywire. Don't say nothing. We all know you are unhappy."

"How?"

'The way you act. You only laugh and smile when it is expected. You are a good actor ut you don't give us enough credit. When you smile it' is different than your genuine smile. It's the same smile you use when you turn down one of your admirers.' He thought.

"Am I that obvious?" I asked disappointed they knew.

'We all care about you. I'm your brother by everything but blood and I love you as a brother. So does Emmett, Rosalie, and of course, Alice. I don't understand, Edward. Why do you keep us at arm's length? You have walls that don't allow us near. Why do you guard yourself? I really am trying to understand.' He thought.

We stood in silence for a while, starring at each other. Finally he sighed.

'You hate yourself. We all know about your self-loathing. I just hope one day you will see what everyone else sees. You're not a monster.' He thought as he walked away.

I sighed and walked down the stairs. I ran out the door and hurried to Bella's house. I was beyond anxious. Just to see that she was okay would set my soul at peace.

I got to her house and inhaled deeply. My senses were assaulted with people's smell that I have never smelt before.

I climbed the tree near Bella's room and looked into the window. Instead of Bella there was a teenage boy laying where her bed used to be, listening to his ipod.

I breathed in deeply. Bella's scent was gone. Not a trace of it remained. I felt as if daggers were thrust into my soul.

I jumped off of the tree and started walking home. I saw a sporing good store. I walked into it.

I walked to the counter where a middle-aged women stood, filling her nails. She looked at me and smiled.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" She asked.

"I was wondering if you could tell me where Isabella Swan lives?"

Her thoughts were surprised.

"She moved three and a half years ago. Charlie's mom was diagnosed with cancer. They left to take care of her." she said

"She's gone?" I repeated to myself.

"Yes," She answered.

I turned and left the store. My mind was swimming with thoughts. I ran to my house and saw Alice standing at the door waiting for me.

"I saw," she said." Are you okay?"

I walked forward ignoring her question. She hurried to me and wrapped me in a hug.

"She's not here Alice..." I mumbled.

"I know, I'm sorry."

For a while she held me while I thought. To be honest I didn't understand what I was feeling. I was sad. My heart was broken but I didn't get why. After a while Alice broke the silence.

"Esme is probably wondering where you are. We should go inside."

We walked together inside. I ignored everyone's stares and questions and walked straight to my room. I sat at my piano and played.


	8. Chapter 8

hey everyone. I don't really like this chapter at all so im sorry. i just kinda had writers block. anyways sorry for about grammer (sp?) and spelling. anyways can u try to get me to 85 reivews?

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I didn't know what to do with myself. No matter what happened I couldn't find the energy to try to even fake happiness. I stayed away from my family. During the day I would play piano for hours, ignoring the worried thoughts and hushed conversations. At night I would walk aimlessly through Forks.

I felt guilty . Whenever Bella would enter my thoughts, my heart would crumble and my self loathing would increase ten-fold. I told her I would be there for her. When she needed me, when she was hurt and crying I proved what a monster I was. I walked away. I ran because her hurts caused me pain. I was selfish, and in turn I damaged a broken angel.

I didn't know if she healed. All I knew was her face twisted in pain while tears fell down her face as I betrayed her. All I knew was her voice as she called for me. I hated myself with a burning passion. I knew I was a monster but how could I do that to her? I hated myself and I hated life.

I sat in a meadow I found. It was night, the clouds in the sky had gaps between them showing the glistening stars. I sat laying on the ground starring at the stars. A rustling in the forest caught my attention.

"Alice, what are you doing here?" I asked her, not moving my gaze form the heavens.

"I came to talk to you." She said as she laid beside me. "Why do you avoid us/"

I sighed. "I don't know I-"

"Liar!" She interrupted me. "You do know . You just don't trust anyone enough to open up to them. Everything that goes on in your life you face alone it doesn't have to be like that."

"No Alice, your wrong. It does have to be that way. I love you all, but I can't be like what you want me to be."

"I'm not saying we want you to change. I'm just saying you don't have to carry the weight of the world. You can come to us for anything. You know that. We just want to be a part of your life."

I didn't answer her. I mean, what do you say to that? I loved them but, I don't know.

She hugged me and I hugged back. We stood for a while, staying like that. For once, the pain of everything lessened. I sighed.

"I'm worried about you. This can't be healthy. The family has talked about this and we decided you need a distraction." She said.

"You've been talking about me?!

It's not like you would talk to us face to face. Anyways, we decided that your going to school with us in a week."

"No!" I shouted. I don't want to go back to school.

"You are. You need something to do to get your mind off of your problems."

"And school will do that?" I asked sarcastically.

"It's decided. Please do this." She said.' If not for me than will you do it for Esme?' Alice thought. Her head filled with the image of Esme sitting at the piano. She had a pained look on her face. Her heart was broken. I t could be seen in her face. Her eyes lost the normal sparkle. Her face was sad and her hair was messy.

"God," She said, "I know we are not damned like Edward thinks we are. Please show him this. Show him what he really is. Show him what we see him as. Show him how you see him. Please." Esme prayed, rubbing her hands together. "Please."

"STOP IT! Please Alice. Please."

"Do it for Esme."

"Fine. For Esme." I said, as I sat down. She hugged me again.

"I'm sorry that I did that. It was for the best. Trust me." She said as she leaned down and kissed my cheek. "We love you Edward. We really do." She said. She got up and walked away.

I laid in the meadow starring at the stars until the sun rose making them disappear. I got up and walked home.

When I got to my house, I saw Esme watching me from my window.

"Esme?" I called out in a small, quiet voice knowing she heard me. A second later she was by my side. I wrapped my arms around her, shocking her.

"I love you mom." I said, my voice ringing with sincerity.

She returned my hug.

"I love you to." She whispered.

I let go of her and walked to Carlisle's office. I went in without knocking. He looked up from his office.

"Did Alice talk to you?" He asked.

I nodded.

"And what is your answer, Edward. Are you going to school next week with the others?"

"You guys pretty much already have made the decision that I'm going."

"Don't say that. We would never force you to do something that you are against. So will you go?"

"Yea, I'm going."

"I'm glad. This will be good for you."

And so I waited for school to start. I tried to live. I wanted Esme to be happy and how I was living was hurting her.

It didn't help much. They all saw through my facade but they knew I was trying.

The first day came all to soon.

I drove my Volvo to the school parking drawing the stares of the entire school population. When I got out of the car I was assaulted with the thoughts of three hundred students. Alice was right My problems were the last thing on my mind. I just had 300 high school students problems fill my mind.

I glared at Alice and she smiled at me. 'You will get over it' she thought.

She grabbed Jasper's hand and together they walked away. The day was horrible. The classes were pathetic, the teachers didn't understand what they were talking about, and the students were self-centered creatures.

All that they thought about was us. The girls compared themselves to Alice and Rosalie, while picking out the hottest guy. The guys were thinking of ways they could get into my sister's pants.

It was utterly repulsive. Still I was miserable. Whenever I saw these kids I was filled with rage. I remembered the tears Bella cried over them. And then I remembered my failure and my burning hatred of myself grew.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey, hope this chapter is decent. as always please excuse grammar or spelling.

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I was still distant from my family. It was just not to the severity that it was before. I would go hunting on sunny days with my family and on stormy days I would play baseball with them.

When we were home, though, I would stay in my room and play piano. It was the one time that I could separate myself from everything. When I played piano, I disappeared and the problems I had melted away. All was right in the world for the little time I played.

Whenever I saw Esme, guilt would fill my being. She felt responsible for my change. She felt like a failure as a mom and that just broke my heart. She knew I was hiding something. The fact that there was something I hid from her hurt her.

Things with school got a lot better. I learned to block the thought around me and people stopped caring about our family. We became old news.

The girls learned to avoid me after I rejected enough of them. It took a while and some of the girls were very persistent. Finally they stopped trying.

We fell into a pattern and did the same thing every day. Go to school, stay way from everyone else, and come home. I would go straight to my room and my family would do whatever they did.

I could hear them laughing from my room. I wanted to join but I felt like there was a gap that couldn't be crossed, between us. I had a tendency to break the happy atmosphere. When I was with my family, I felt alone .I played piano to drown their voice out.

So the year continued. A year that I didn't really live. My existence was not a life. It was a constant search for a temporary escape from feeling. I lived, seeking ways to remove my self from my emotions. It was beyond pitiful.

What was worse was as much as I tried to keep this to myself, it still affected my family. I would come home to see Esme begging God to help me. My family tried their hardest to help me but they had no idea what to do. Poor Alice was so heart broken. She would look at me with pain filled eyes. Jasper had the worst end of the deal. As much as I concealed my emotions he could feel a lot of what I felt.

I felt more like a monster. Everyone I cared for , I hurt. I was planning on leaving. I couldn't stand causing my family such pain. I sat in my meadow planning where I would go when, surprise, Alice came and sat by me.

"Alice," I said.

"Why are you leaving?"

"I'm causing everyone pain. If i leave I won't hurt you all anymore."

"Damn it, Edward! You are the most stupid, idiotic, vampire I have ever met!"

I was shocked. Alice never swore.

"You are so misguided. Your intentions are good but your actions end up causing even more pain. If you left, do you know what that would do to us? Esme wouldn't be able to survive. Look what losing her first son did to her. Not only her but Carlisle would be heart broken. We would all miss you. We love you so much."

"I don't deserve your love."

"Again, you are the most stupid, idiotic vampire I have ever met. You do deserve our love. Give it time Edward. I have a feeling things are going to change."

"Why? Do you see anything?" I asked.

"Nope. I just feel. Please stay?"

"Fine Alice"

We stood up and ran home. When I got in side I saw my family all in the living room. They TV was on and a movie was about to start.

Alice walked straight to Jasper and crawled onto his lap. He smiled and kissed her head. He wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. They started the movie.

I walked in and sat at the foot of the couch. Everyone was shocked. Esme and Carlisle were beaming at each other. I was happy if only for a little while.

The school year finished and summer came, not that it really affected us. We would have more family hunting trips but that was about it.

I made a greater effort to join in with my family. That made them happy, and that eased my self loathing. I was never happy like I was when we watched the movie together but I wasn't as miserable.

School started again and not much really happened. For the first few months the school was the same old story.

One day the school was filled with rumors. I didn't pay attention and went through my classes like any other day.

When the lunch bell rang I walked slowly to the cafeteria. Whispers of someone returning filled the halls. I bought my food and walked to the table, where my family and I sat everyday.

Sat down and waited for my family. They came and sat around the table.

The cafeteria doors opened causing everyone in the cafeteria to stop talking. Shocked whispers flew form everyone's mouth.

"It's true!" I heard on kid say." "I thought she was gone!" His friend answered.

I looked up curious to see what everyone was talking about. As I looked up her familiar scent crashed into me like waves crashing into the shore.

It was Bella. _My Bella. _She walked quietly to the lunch line. Her brown hair was ragged, covering her face. She wore a baggy sweatshirt and jeans. Her shoulders were sagged as if she was trying to make the ground swallow her whole.

"So this is the girl everyone has been talking about." Rosalie sneered.

"Bella." I whispered as I watched her.

'Is this her?' Alice asked me in her thoughts.

I nodded.

'Poor girl.'

"I did this to her." I whispered so that only Alice could hear me. "This is my fault. I left her when se needed me."

She sat a table as far away from everyone else. She moved te hair from her face and I saw her eyes.

My heart shattered when I saw her eyes. I felt like I was looking into her soul. I felt her pain. I saw her broken spirit, her decimated soul.

She was skinny. I could tell she didn't eat much. Even now she barely touched her food.

I heard from a distance people stand up. I looked up and saw Jessica and Lauren walking up. They stood right in front of Bella.

"You back? Why are you here? No one wants you here. Look around Isabella." She said motioning to everyone in the cafeteria. "Your not wanted." She leaned in as if to tell Bella a secret." Your mom didn't even want you. Your own freakin mother couldn't stand you."

Bella believed every word they said. I could see she accepted t it as truth. Tears filled her chocolate eyes and she stoop up.

I jumped up and hurried to bella. She began to run blindly away from Jessica and Lauren and hit me. She tried to move away but I pulled her closer.

"Lies Bella. She is lying. She knows nothing about you. You are worth so much more that you know." I whispered.

She started crying and pushed herself away. She ran harder to somewhere people couldn't find her.

Everyone, including my family, starred at me with shock. Their thoughts were all the same. They couldn't believe what I had just done.

Anger filled me as I glared at Lauren and Jessica with contempt. My hands were shaking and I wanted nothing more than to rip out their throats.

"You disgust me" I spat at them. Their jaws literally dropped in shock.

I walked out of the cafeteria, ignoring the questions of my family. I heard one of my siblings get up to see what was up with me, but they were stopped by Alice.

"Leave him be." I heard her say as the doors shut behind me.


	10. Chapter 10

Hey, guys thanks for all the reviews. sorry if i didn't reply to some. my computer makes that really hard. anyways ya i really dislike this chapter so sorry if its not great. but please review.

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I followed the sounds of Bella's cries. I found her sitting at the side of the wall. She had her arms wrapped around her legs and her forehead was leaning on her knees. The rain gently fell from the sky mixing with her tears. Her brown hair hung over her face.

I slowly walked to her and sat by her side. "Bella, don't listen to her. What she said, her words, they were the darkest of blasphemies." I sighed not knowing what to say. "You are worth so much. These people don't understand that. They are so caught up in themselves that they lose sight of true worth. The thing is if they had any sense at all they wouldn't say those things."

She turned to me. I really don't understand what came over me, but I pulled her close and held her. She cried on my shoulder as I hugged her. For a moment, I felt nothing of myself. My anger, my emptiness faded, being replaced by a deep concern for Bella. All I wanted was for her to be happy. I realized then that I would give up anything for her happiness, even if it meant my own.

After a while she looked up at me. "Do I know you?" She asked quietly."You seem so familiar."

Her words melted my heart, a piece of her remembered me. I smiled sadly. "No, you do not know me."

We sat in silence watching the rain fall. The fifth period bell rang but neither of us moved. After a while she looked up at me.

"Will you do me a favor?" She asked me, her eyes pleading.

"Anything. What do you want?"

"I want you to stay away from me. I want you to not talk to me again."

"Why?" I asked. I felt like the air was punched out of me. My heart shattered. I could tell she was serious.

She didn't answer me. For a while we just starred at each other. Her eyes were determined.

"Please." She pleaded. Her voice was so quiet I almost missed it.

"Do you really want this?" I asked.

"I do."

"As you wish."

She stood and walked into the school building without any backward glances.

I didn't move for a long while. I couldn't' move. My legs were stone as her words replayed in my mind.

"As you wish bella. If this is what you really want than so be it." I said to myself.

The door opened and I heard Alice's foot steps walking towards me,. She sat next to me and said nothing. She held an open hand out to me. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my keys. I dropped them into her hands without saying word.

"I'll tell the others so they know you won't be taking us home." She said.

"Thanks, Alice." I said as she gave me a hug.

"I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter. Nothing really matters anymore." I said with a sigh.

She stayed seated as I stood. I began to run to the forest.

I stood motionless, with my eyes closed searching for prey. Different smells permeated the air as I tried to separate the smells. Different types of heart beats flew through the air. Finally I found what I was looking for.

I ran abandoning me self, my thoughts. I let my senses take over as I chased toward a deer. I pounced on its neck and tore into its throat. Its red blood flowed into my mouth lowering the severity of my thirst. Its heart beat slowly faded. My mind caught up with me and I looked at my dead prey.

The deer was lifeless starring out into the distance. Its brown eyes were dead. Those eyes were taunting me, reminding me of Bella. I threw the body into a tree and ran to my meadow.

I collapsed onto the grassy ground and screamed. I put every emotion I felt into it. All sadness, anger, confusion, despair, hopelessness, and hate I felt, I poured into my anguished cries.

I walked towards the pond and saw my reflection. It was distorted by the drops of rain falling from the clouds in the sky. Rippling golden eyes starred at me from the water.

_I just want her to be happy. _I sighed. _if anyone in this world deserves happiness it is her. I am such a hypocrite. I am worse than Jessica, and Lauren. I abandoned her when she needed me._ _I have to go now anyways. My family is probably getting ready to interrogate me._

I ran back to home. My whole family sat in the living room. The moment I entered Rosalie stood up and walked to wards me.

"What was your problem today?!" She demanded, starting the interrogation before I could stalk off to my room.

"I looked around to see me whole family waiting for me to answer. All but Alice.

"She didn't deserve to be treated that way! I couldn't sit back and watch her be tormented!"

"She is only a human Edward." Jasper said from the couch. "You know we can't get involved with them."

"I'm not getting involved with them." I said quietly.

"Yea?!" Rosalie spat at me. "Where did you go then?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you!"

"You went to her didn't you!" She didn't wait for my answer. "You are risking our secret for some worthless human girl!"

"She is not worthless!" I growled. Her jaw dropped. "Hold your tongue on matters you know nothing about. Just for one day would you care for something other tat yourself. You –"

"Edward!" Esme yelled standing from the couch.

"What does it matter anyways." I said.

"Say away from her."Rosalie growled at me.

"Edward, I agree with Rosalie. You should stay away form her. Any unnecessary risks must be avoided at all cost. You do understand this, don't you Edward?" Carlisle said speaking for the first time.

"Whatever Carlisle." I said as I turned around and walked out the front door.

I wandered around Forks until I found Bella's new house. I climbed a tree near her window and looked through. Bella was sleeping peacefully. She turned over and what I saw shocked me. Bella was holding the angel teddy bear I gave her years ago.

"Angel" she murmured in her sleep."Where are you?." She sighed. "So alone."

I walked into her room. "I'm here Bella. You are not alone anymore. I'm not going to leave. This I promise." I whispered as I walked near her. I started humming her lullaby. She rolled over and with the sweetest smile she gave a sigh of contentment.

It started to make sense. I saw the reason I hurt so much when she was hurt, the reason I wanted to see her smile, the reason why the four years I was away from her was hell.

I was in love. For the first time in my life I was in love. And to be honest I was scarred.


	11. Chapter 11

I sat by her bed, humming her lullaby. I dreaded going home. I reeked of human and that my family would know where I have been. I sighed as I stood up. I knew that as much as I wanted to avoid seeing my family I had to. I jumped out of the window and ran to my house.

When I got there, I stood at the door hoping that they would miraculously be elsewhere . I slowly opened the door and walked in. They were all sitting in the living room. I knew at once, that they smelled the human on me.

Rosalie looked at me with disgust but did not say anything.

"What is it about this human whom you have taken an interest in? Why are you so fascinated with her?" Carlisle asked.

"I love her." I said in a quiet voice

All of their heads snapped up and starred at me with shock in their golden eyes. For the longest time they starred at me without speaking.

"Impossible!" Snapped Rosalie. "You don't even know her."

"She was the reason I stayed in Forks when all of you let. I was out hunting when I heard a car crash. I went to check it out and I found her as a little baby. Her mom died in the wreck.I made sure she had a home and someone to take care of her. I couldn't bear to leave her unprotected so I stayed. Years later, I ended up leaving to meet with you guys in Denali. As time went on my desire to protect her changed. Then I saw her."

'_You disgust me, Edward!'_ Rosalie screamed in her head as she stomped off. Emmett hurried after her. Alice pulled Jasper off the couch and lead him upstairs. It was just Esme, Carlisle and I. I sat down and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Are you telling the truth? Do you really love her?" Esme asked in a quiet voice.

I looked up into her eyes. "More than I ever thought possible."

She hugged me. '_I am so happy Edward. I was beginning to think you would never find someone.'_

"Do you know what you are getting your self into? Are you sure you can handle this?" Carlisle asked with concern for me."We want you to be happy. If this human makes you happy, you have our blessing."

I gave them a small smile as i stood up. "Thanks, im going to my room."

I changed my clothes and sat at my piano. I danced my fingers across the keys, playing Bella's lullaby. I played for hours, loosing my self in the notes. The sun rose and my siblings and I left for school.

Rosalie took her own car. She wouldn't talk to me, she wouldn't even give any sign that she saw me. She was angry and had no desire to hide that fact.

Emmett was silent about the whole issue. He was still trying to figure out what he thought about the whole thing. He went to school with Rosalie.

Alice and Jasper went with me but avoided the subject. Alice, I knew for a fact was happy but I had no idea about Jasper.

We pulled into the parking lot. Alice and Jasper wordlessly left my car. I got out of my car and saw Bella pull in a red truck. I leaned against my car and watched her.

Her brown hair was pulled into a ponytail. She wore a blue baggy sweatshirt and blue jeans.

She got out of her car and looked at me. For a while we just starred at each other. She shook her head and a tear fell gently from her face. She turned away and hurried to the building when her foot twisted and she fell. All around her people laughed and pointed. Her face was flushed with embarrassment as she reached to grab her backpack.

I ran to her as fast as I could humanly run.

Lauren had grabbed Bella's backpack. She unzipped it and poured its contents onto the wet ground. Lauren laughed and walked away leaving Bella in tears.

I got to bella and grabbed her things off the ground. I put all of her things back in her bag. I looked at Bella to see her holding a book that Lauren had dropped in a puddle. It was a completely ruined copy of pride and prejudice.

"Bella, are you okay?" I asked her.

She ignored me and stood up. I handed her the bag. She wordlessly took it and started to walk.

"Bella wait!" I called as I started walking. She gave me not response. Instead she walked faster as tears fell from her eyes.

I pulled out my phone and called Esme.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Esme. I need to pick up something in Port Angeles. Could you make an excuse for the school?"

"Sure dear. Is that all?"

"Yes, thanks Esme. Bye." I said as I hung up the phone. I got into my car and drove straight to Port Angeles.

When I got there I want straight to a small bookstore. I found the exact same copy of Pride and Prejudice that Bella had. I paid for it and drove back to Forks. With how fast I drive, the whole trip didn't take long. I made it to my fourth period.

It was one of the classes I had alone. I drowned out the thought of everyone around me and just thought about random things. Finally the lunch bell rang. I walked to my families normal table.

Rosalie was still visibly angry at me. She gave no hint that she saw me. Emmett gave me an apologetic look and went back to trying to tame his wife.

I searched the cafeteria and saw Bella. She wasn't eating much and that really worried me. She looked up and caught my glance. She sighed and moved her hair in front of her face blocker her eyes from mine. This minor rejection hurt, but what was I to do?

I sighed and began to pick my food apart. I looked up and saw pity in Alice's eyes. I moved my eyes back to my food.

"Edward. Are you going hunting with us this weekend?"

"Sure Alice." I said, thankful for a chance this weekend to do something to get my thoughts off of Bella.

The bell rang and we had to go to class. Biology was . . . painful to say that least.

She was using her hair as a curtain. She completely ignored me. She didn't say anything. She wouldn't' even look at me.

She was crying though I really didn't know why. That was probably the hardest part. I wanted to comfort her, to hold her but she didn't want me to.

Finally Biology was over. I gathered my things and walked out. I went through my last class in a daze.

After school, I took Jasper and Alice home. I went inside and grabbed and orange envelope. I put the pride and prejudice book into it. I ran to Bella's house. I put the Envelope with her name on it at the front door. I rang the door bell and ran to the trees.

The door was opened. Bella stepped out and looked around. When she didn't find anyone, she looked down.

She picked up the envelope and opened it. She pulled out the book and smiled the most beautiful smile. Her eyes gleamed with happiness.

She looked around but saw no one. She went back inside and i heard her give a happy sigh.. I smiled to myself and started to walk home.


	12. Chapter 12

**A.N** Ya, i know this took forever. i had such bad writers block that nothing i wrote came out right. even now i really don't like this chapter. im sorry. oh if you have any ideas please i need to hear them. im running low on inspiration and i really want to finish this story. so im sorry if its not great. i have no idea when i will update. it might be another few weeks.

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The weekend came quickly. Alice wouldn't allow me to back out of the hunting trip so I went with them, far into the mountains. We split apart in search of our favorite prey.

My throat ached for fresh blood. I hadn't hunted in days and my longing reflected this. Hearts beat in different rhythms all around me. My mind left me as my desire over took me. I bolted after my prey.

A cougar ran sensing my presence. My legs ran faster, reveling in the release. I pounced, my teeth ripped into the lions throat releasing the precious blood. The ache in my throat became numb.

I threw the carcass disgusted by what I was. The thirst for blood was a constant reminder of the being I had become. I ran back home.

I tried to play my piano but I couldn't focus. My mind was constantly wandering. My heart was withdrawn from the music. The sound was dull and lifeless, so I gave up.

I walked quietly to my meadow hoping to find some sort of peace. What I found was the opposite of what I desired.

The forest was still and quiet. All life seemed frozen. A deep melancholy hung in the air. The birds were silent. No little animals stirred in the brush. I felt utterly and completely alone.

I made it io my meadow. The clouds hung over the opening keeping an overcast mood. I laid on the ground with my eyes closed. I longed for escape but I had none. Never in my life had I envied a human for sleep like I envied them now.

I had no rest, no pause, no break. My mind rebelled against me. Images of Bella lying next to me haunted my thoughts. Her hand was in mine as she talked to me. The sun shone in these fantasies, causing my skin to sparkle. She however, had no fear. She would look at me and my soul would be at peace.

The loneliness within me burned. I needed to see her. I ran through the forest to her house. Her dad was gone. Working I guessed.

I looked into the window and saw her. She was reading _pride and prejudice_. A small smile was on her lips as her eyes moved across the page. She was happy, for that I was content.

Her eyelids began to slowly cover her eyes. With a small sigh she was asleep.

I turned and ran home. When I got to my house. I saw that my family was home. I went in and watched tv till morning.

The sun rose and I got ready for school. I drove to school without seeing if any of my siblings wanted a ride. When I got I to parking lot my eyes scanned the cars hoping to see her car.

I parked and got out. I walked to the school building when I heard Jessica's voice. She was tormenting bella again.

"Don't talk about my Mom." Bella said in a small voice.

"Your mom abandoned you like the piece of crap that you are." Jessica sneered. "She couldn't stand the sight of you so she left. Face it, Bella. You're a mistake."

Bella stood up and began to walk away she looked at me. I started to walk towards her but she walked faster. I followed her to her truck.

"Bella!" I called to her.

She turned to me. "Why won't you leave me alone like I asked you to!" She screamed at me "Do you enjoy my pain?" She asked. Tears were filling her eyes.

"Never say that bella." I said in a small voice, hurt she would think such a thing.

"Leave me alone."

"No."

"Please, don't make this harder on me than it has to be." she said as she got in her truck. She tried starting it but the engine would cooperate. She jumped out of her car and started to run.

"Bella! I yelled.

She ran across the highway without a glace. A truck was speeding down. She tripped and fell flat on her face. The drive didn't see her.

My body moved without thinking. I ran, picked Bella up, and jumped off the street.

I set her safely down and looked at her face. Shock shone on her face.

"What are you!?" She demanded.

"A vampire" I said. There was no use denying it now. I looked at her expecting her to be scared.

"Are you going to kill me?" She asked. Her voice was calm.

The very idea disgusted me. My eyes widened. "Never!"

"Please?" she asked.

"You want me to kill you!?" I asked, my was heart broken. Tears filled her eyes.

"It hurts." She whispered.

I couldn't help it. I pulled her into my arms and she cried. She was so broken. The very thing I loved more than life itself longed to die.

"Bella, please don't cry. Please." I begged her.

She continued to sob as i rocked heri n my arms.

"This is my fault Bella. If only I stayed out of you life." I whispered

She looked at me with confusion on her face.

"Long ago I found a baby girl in the wreck of a car. She was crying, and she was, Amazingly, uninjured. Her mom, however, did not have the same luck. She was dead. I picked the baby up and her cries stopped. I couldn't let her die so I found her someone who would take her in. I should have left then but I couldn't force myself to. I stayed, watching over her. She thought I was an angel."

I looked down but she wasn't looking at me. I continued to speak

"I stopped visiting her but I stayed to watch over her. The years passed and I couldn't stay. She was in pain and her pain caused me pain. I selfishly left, hoping that this would stop the pain. It didn't. I was continuously haunted by thoughts of the child. Four years passed and I came back to forks. I went to the child's old house but she was gone."

Bella was completely still now. I looked at her and she was looking at me with realization in her eyes.

"You . . . It can't be." She said standing up. She started to run away as I called her name.


	13. Chapter 13

Yea i know...its been awhile. well im not sure where im going so suggestions would be appreciated and updates will be slow. anyways i hope its okay and please review. oh and i did look over it but im sorry if there are still mistakes.

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I followed her at human pace. She tripped over her feet and fell to the ground .she stayed there crying. I knelt beside her.

"Bella."

"Stop!" she cried out. "Please, why are you lying to me? Haven't I gone through enough pain?" She asked in a small voice as she wrapped her arms around her legs.

"I'm not lying to you!What do I have to do to prove this? Will my speed convince you!?" I yelled as I ran to a nearby tree."How about my strength?" I screamed as I punched a hole in the tree.

"Do you believe me now?"

I looked at her face and saw fear. I slowly walked towards her. "What will it take, Bella?"

She said nothing. I slowly knelt beside her. I reached my hand to touch her face but I stopped when I saw her flinch. It was like a punch to the gut. I sighed.

"Years ago," I began in a quiet voice," on your birthday I gave to you a little bear with wings and a halo. Around the bear's neck there was a locket. When the locket was opened, one would find a note that said 'may this angel be with you even when I can not'.

She gasped. "It can't be..."

"What more do you want?" I asked, desperation in my voice. "What more can I say to you?" she looked in my eyes and I could see something click.

"Those eyes." she said. "I dreamed about them for as long as I could remember. Could it really have been you?

She kept starring at me. Her eyes hardened, confusing me. "You left me!" she spat in disgust. "I always knew something was watching over me. I could feel it when you left. I remember it clearly now. You told me you would never leave me." she began to scream.

"Bella, please." I said reaching to her.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed She stood slowly and wiped the dirt off her pants. "Stay away from me." she said as she turned her back on me and walked off. I watched as her shape faded from sight.

I stood silently for God knows how long. Rain poured over me drenching my clothes. I couldn't move even if I wanted to. A hand touched my shoulder but I still didn't move. I felt myself being pulled into a hug.

"Come on, son. Let's go home." Carlisle's voice said. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his Mercedes. His thoughts were trying to comfort me. I stayed silent watching the rain pour down the windows.

"She knows what we are." He said. It was a statement. I nodded slowly.

"Alice says that we should have nothing to worry about but I still want you to keep an ear open."

He looked at me and sighed."I'm sorry, Edward." he put his hand on my leg trying to offer solace.

WE drove the rest of the way home in silence.

When we pulled in to the driveway, I saw Esme looking out the window with a hurt face. I got out of the car and slowly walked to the front door. When I opened the door I saw my family. Alice looked as if she was about to cry.

I walked up the stairs feeling their eyes follow my ever step. No one said anything but their thoughts were raging. I got to my room and locked the door, not that that would help much. When I saw my piano rage consumed me. I tore it apart, piece by piece. Nothing was left of it when I was finished.

The emptiness in my heart burned. I roared as a clawed at my skin. The pain I felt was beyond description. I just laid down, begging God to end the pain.

I gave up trying. I stopped going to school. I didn't speak even when spoken to. I had no reason to move. I laid still consumed by heartbreak. Nothing my family did helped, though they did try. School days passed and winter break came. I Didn't hunt. My father would force blood down my throat to sustain me

As Christmas neared my guilt increased. I knew I was being beyond selfish, and that it was causing my family grief. To see the worry in Esme's face through the eyes of my family tore me part. I couldn't continue to hurt my family as much as I did.

Christmas eve I stood and walked downstairs. The shocked eyes of my family starred as I moved slowly.

"Edward!" Esme yelled as she ran to me. She pulled me into a hug that I couldn't help but return. I knew if we could we would both be crying.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, holding Esme harder. "I'm so very sorry."

"Edward, stop please."

"I was being selfish. It just hurts so bad."

"I know sweetie." she said softly. "I know it hurts. I would give anything to take away your pain. I hate seeing my boy like this."

That was how we spent Christmas. A few gifts were given. Mainly from the couples. Mostly it was just being with my family. My soul ached but the love I felt from my family those few days comforted me beyond what words can express.

I tried to apologize to them about my behavior but they wouldn't let me. They forced away my guilt and gave me joy. Even when I had done so much to hurt them they took me back.

The comfort t of those days did not, however ,last. School was approaching. I had no idea if I wanted to deal with the pain of seeing Bella but the pain of not seeing her was just as strong.

I sat on my leather couch debating on what to do.

'Edward?" Rosalie's voice came from the doorway. I smiled at her and motioned for her to enter. She sat next to me on my couch.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted." Her voice was sincere" I did not want to believe that you could have fallen for some human girl. I couldn't not believe this girl did what I could not all those years ago. I was jealous that your loved her." she gave a humorless laugh. "It's stupid really. I didn't want you then either. I was spiteful and for that I am sorry. I still think you should go to school though. I know she will be there but you can't allow some human affect you like this."

Anger filled me at her words. Even now she didn't understand.

"She's not just some human!"

"She is, Edward." Rosalie said in a small voice. "She is just a human. Life will continue and she will die, just like every other human. You, on the other hand, will continue to live. To let her affect you is stupid." She sneered.

I was shocked at her words. She wordlessly stood up and walked out of the room.

Her words kept repeating in my head. The sad thing was it was true. Like every other human her life was limited. To imagine a life without her while she was living was hell. To imagine a life without her in existence was inconceivable. I would follow her. Whatever happened after death would have to be better than the alternative.

My heart longed for comfort but i was alone. I knew my family was trying to help but their comfort only lasted for so long. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her horror filled eyes looking at me. Her very face screamed that she hated me.


	14. Chapter 14

Please review.

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I sat in my car while Debussy was quietly playing. Bella's car pulled in and parked a great distance away from mine. Her eyes fell on me as she exited her car. Her eyes saddened when she saw me. She turned quickly away braking any contact. She tripped over her own feet and sprawled on the pavement.

I ran quickly to her. "Are you okay?" I asked, my voice laced with panic and sorrow.

"No" Her voice held more sorrow than any one person should know. "please leave me."

"Never again am i going to leave you."

A single tear dropped from her eye. I could see her resolve weakening. Hope filled my heart until I saw her put up her walls.

"no"

I grabbed her hands as she turned to leave me. She looked into my eyes.

"Why Bella? Trust me please."

Her eyes hardened."Trust?" She spat. "I will never ever trust anyone again. Trust leads to pain." Her voice softened. "I've had enough pain."

She pulled her hands out of mine and walked away. The meaningless chatter of everyone else continued. I went to first period determined to find a way to ease her pain.

Lunch came, finally. I went to the MPR and saw her sitting alone.

I sat with my family and watched her. Her brown eyes locked on to my golden ones. I tried to put everything I felt into my eyes. I wanted her to see everything I felt. Her eyes opened and I saw into her broken soul.

She wanted to trust to let someone in. she knew though that I left her once.

I saw her stand and walk to the door. Alice looked at me.

"Shes going to the reservation." Her eyes blanched. She saw me leaving. She sighed. " Im not going to be able to stop you am I?" She asked

I shook my head and ran to the parking lot. I saw her truck leaving. I got into my Volvo and followed her from where she couldn't see me.

She parked at the side of the road. I followed from a distance. Every footstep she took I head. Every beat of her heart moved my spirit. Her breathing increased with the effort of walking.

She came to a clearing. She walked to the edge of a cliff over looking the ocean and my heart screamed. She stood still over the cliff. Wind blew through her hair as her arms were outstretched.

I ran as fast as I could. I grabbed her and pulled her from the cliff.

"What were you thinking?!" I screamed as I held her. Her eyes shone with shock.

Bella started laughing. Slowly at first to the point where I had no idea what she was doing. Slowly it got louder and more clear. Oh how beautiful her laugh was.

"You think I was going to jump?"

She saw hat I did and that caused another round of laughter. When she laughed the pain in her eyes was melted away. She was angelic.

"I would never jump. No matter how much pain I'm in."The walls began to come into her eyes.

"No please. You don't have to be alone. Not anymore."

"You left me." she said in a still small voice.

"Never again. Please trust me." My voice begged her.

Tears began to fall from her eyes.

"Trust me."

"I don't know how to." she cried.

Hesitantly I wrapped my arms around her and she let me. I pulled her closer. She sobbed into my shoulder.

I'll help you. All you have to do is try."

"I will." she said as she looked at me. Tears still poured from her eyes. I kept my arms surrounding her. I held her as she released her pain.

Finally she stopped crying

"What does this make us?" she asked. The clouds in the sky began to part letting the sun hit me.

"Whatever you want us to be."

"Even..." her voice faded. "Even lovers/" she asked shyly.

I leaned down as she looked up. My lips touched hers and I gently kissed her. I pulled away and saw peace in her eyes.

I laid down on the grass with my back against a rock. She sat on my lap and I wrapped my arms aroudn her.

The sun fell and lit put the sky in its last burst of color. Bella's breath evened out as she fell asleep.

"I love you, my angel." I whispered as the day died.

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Well...its been a while since i updated and don't know if anyone is going to read this. i liked this chapter...yes it went very fast but it was the only why it would have ever been written. im almost done. im thinking one or two more chapters depending. well review please.


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